Let's Have a Little Chat
by Sadie Winchester
Summary: In which Chiron gives Percy 'the Talk';"This is a penis, Percy." :: Because even though Chiron is his professor, Percy couldn't help but feel violated. :: Percy/Annabeth, Percy/Apollo. HAPPY BIRTHDAY KOKO'ABEY.


Let's Have a Little Chat

Summary: As requested by Anonymous on Tumblr :: In which Chiron gives Percy 'the Talk'; "This is a penis, Percy." :: Because even though Chiron is his teacher, Percy couldn't help but feel violated. :: [Mentions of Percabeth and Aporcy]. HAPPY BIRTHDAY KOKO'ABEY. LOVE ME.

Disclaimer: I don't own Percy Jackson and the Olympians or anything that seems familiar.

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_**Let's Have a Little Chat **_

Percy wasn't sure how he found himself sitting in front of Chiron in the Big House, with an mortified blush on his face while Chiron was trying to give him _the _talk.

He just remembered sitting in his cabin with nothing to do when Chiron entered and said something along the lines of: "Hello, Percy. Let's have a little _chat_." Next thing he knows, he's sitting in front of a very serious-looking Chiron in his office.

"Percy," Chiron began, clearing his throat. "I know that you're only sixteen. You're an adolescent and you want to experiment. I completely comprehend that."

Percy bowed his head as he heard Mr. D snicker from the corner of Chiron's office. "Sir? Um, I –I... why are you giving me this talk?"

Chiron stared at the demigod in front of him. "It has reached my ears that you and Annabeth are getting serious... You're both hormonal young people with needs and one day, one thing might lead to another and –"

"What... but, but. Who told you that?" It was a complete lie; he hadn't even let Annabeth and himself get _that _carried away. He didn't _want _to be intimate with _Annabeth. _Because, well, she's a _girl _and he may have not admitted it to anyone but himself, he is more attracted in playing for the other team if you catch my drift.

"It is not significant." Chiron dismissed with a wave of his hand and stared at the young demigod in his eyes. "As your educator, it is my obligation to make sure that you're all set in case of –"

"But –"

"Stop interrupting me, child", Chiron snapped edgily.

Percy instantaneously shut his mouth and refused to make eye contact. He took awareness in his worn out sneakers and drummed his fingers against his knee.

"As I was saying, it is my duty to make sure that you're prepared in case that something happens between you and Annabeth." Percy wanted to cough awkwardly and _guarantee _Chiron that _nothing _was going to happen between them, because even if the two were dating, _he isn't attracted to her! _

Percy could feel his whole body turn crimson from discomfiture and he swore that the Olympians were probably watching this whole encounter with hilarity. He glared at thin air as Dionysus continued to snicker quietly and drink his Diet Coke.

"I don't want you two to get hurt because you're inexpert." Who said he was inexperienced, huh? He wanted to point out that he spent quite some time in Calypso's Island, and they didn't just play cards, let me tell you.

Here, the centaur picked up a poster from his desk and unrolled it, enlightening –

"This is a penis, Percy." Chiron said with a straight face and gestured to the picture, but the son of Poseidon refused to look up at it. "All males have this body part, and you use it to ah, insert it inside the female part –" he picked up another poster. "The vagina", he continued and held up both posters side by side.

Percy's right eye twitched and he tried to scoot his chair as far as achievable from the centaur, because even though Chiron is his professor, Percy couldn't help but feel violated.

"The penis goes inside the vagina during sexual intercourse. Sexual intercourse only happens when two people love each other dearly." He coughed inelegantly and glanced at Dionysus from the corner of his eye. "Or if you're just looking for a fling." Was that an implication that –?

Percy blinked and stared at the deity.

"When you reach your climax while having intimacy, you should always make sure that you are protected with a condom or pull out or perhaps that your partner is on the pill so that you avoid producing babies...offspring, whatever you want to call it. But, ah, if your partner is not a female, you should still wear a condom to prevent diseases _if _your male partner is not a virgin or it'll hurt less."

Percy blushed and briefly wondered if Chiron _knew _about his fling/weird relationship with Apollo, but then, Percy glanced out the window and caught sight of two very familiar and identical faces that were smirking at him humorously as they made jerking hand motions and hung their mouths open, pretending to be humping each other.

"Male to male intercourse is almost similar, except that this time, both males have a penis. One will have to be the top and one will have to bottom. The bottom is the one that takes the penis in his –" Chiron was cut off in mid sentence when Percy stood up unexpectedly and rushed out of the office as he took out his pen and uncapped it, letting it grow into his grandiose sword, Riptide.

"Oh my gods, I'm going to _assassinate _the Stolls for this!" He screamed furiously, but he didn't look so intimidating with the brilliant, red blush that covered his whole body like really bad sunburn; as if he had angered Apollo (but really, he couldn't anger the sun god because the god has a special spot for him, if you know that I mean).

"STOLLS. I KNOW IT WAS YOU!" He yelled, stomping around the camp, shoving campers away and looking around angrily as he gripped his sword tightly.

The campers turned to stare at the son of Poseidon while sniggering as he stormed past them; they all knew of the little talk that he had received with Chiron, and they weren't planning to let this go so soon, but they felt sorry for the Stoll brothers, who wouldn't make it out alive.

"Percy, hi!" Connor said cheerily as a very angry son of the Sea God cornered him and his brother. "Whatchu doin'?"

Percy glared hard at them. He then said in a deadly voice: "You. Are. So. _Dead._"

The Stolls gulped and prayed to Hades that they would reach Elysium as they stared at the green-eyed boy with wide and fearful eyes.

**-Fin. **

**A/N:** Happy birthday Koko'Abey! Love me, I skipped a class period to write you this.


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